Casey Deans
ENGL 215R Dyer
Interview
Stinky
The introduction concludes and the speaker steps forward onto the stage. He is dressed in a suit and has a translucent headset microphone. He walks forward and shakes the hand of the man who has just introduced him. His name is Kurt Mortensen and he is a professional public speaker. He is speaking today to a group of corporate salesmen about persuasion and the art of the sale. He owns the stage, has a great voice, good eye contact, and great smile. His audience consists of fifty or so middle-aged, middle-class people. They are dressed casually and have a full day of listening to him and others ahead of them. Kurt is an engaging speaker and the crowd listens and is pleased. He is also pleased because the audience is polite, attentive, and he is performing successfully. He has had other speeches that have not gone so well. Fire alarms have gone off in the middle of a speech. When the alarm is blaring he calmly instructs people to stay in their seats, reassuring them that, "This is probably a false alarm." Because of the numerous times he has done this he is certain that one day Karma will catch up to him and as a result he and his audience will be consumed in flames. When it's not the fire alarms going off, it is often other distractions and annoyances that plague his speeches. Hecklers come in many shapes and sizes and Kurt knows how to handle them all. When a person attempts to take over the conversation, interrupt with criticisms, have loud annoying children, or ask too many questions, they fail at flustering him. He is cool when this happens and diffuses these potentially hazardous people. He is an avid proponent of rehearsal. Even though he had given hundreds of speeches he makes sure to always practice. His experience has taught him that no matter how much one is prepared things will still go wrong. The power point won't load properly, the microphone or speaker system won't work, temperature of the room will be wrong, and a myriad of other technical hurdles will pop up while he is speaking. Fire alarms, hecklers, and technical issues are absent from the speech he is giving today and he is very pleased. A person walks on stage during a pause in his talking and hands Kurt a note which reads, "There is a man wearing a green shirt and brown tie who smells so bad that others are beginning to be sick. Please ask him to leave." Kurt reads the note, places it in his pocket and thanks the deliverer. He then continues with his speech and thinks to himself, "How am I going to solve this problem?" Kurt guesses that if he stops the speech and says, "Will the man with the green shirt and brown tie please leave, he smells awful, thank you," people will lose focus and the man will be severely embarrassed. He considers telling the man to leave without giving him a reason but deduces that this will cause the audience to become perplexed and think about the possible reasons instead of listening to him speak. The solution occurs to him and he decides to call for a five minute break. While the audience is talking amongst themselves Kurt walks towards the stinky man and asks him to follow him outside of the meeting hall to the lobby of the hotel. In the lobby, away from the ears of the audience, Kurt explains that the man's smell is atrocious and causing others to be sick. The man thanks him for addressing the issue in such a polite way and leaves. Now Kurt has another problem he knows how to solve when he gives speeches in the future.
Casey Deans
ENGL 215R Dyer
Exercise #5 - Haiku
Five Haikus
May is for the bees,
making honey in the trees.
Please don't sting me bees
The birds and the bees,
doing whatever they please.
We; not I and Me.
Red, watery eyes,
dripping nose, snotty sleeve, yuck!
The not-Great Outdoors.
Not a chance Noah,
none-by-none for the insects,
hope they like the rain.
Ants marching along,
freed by a conformity.
Onward and upward.
Casey Deans
ENGL 215R Dyer
Exercise # 6 Ekphrastic Poem
American Being
Thinking creates being.
Being human
Being free
Being American creates speaking.
Speaking up, speaking out.
Raising your hand, raising your voice, raising your fist.
Looking upward, looking outward. Standing tall. Standing for what's right.
Being creates thinking.
Thinking creates speaking.
Being American creates listening. Looking, listening, learning, loving.
Any thoughts?
One human. Being.
Casey Deans
ENGL 215R Dyer
Exercise #7 Animal Poem
Wet Goat - By Calvin Klein
Can we still call animals retarded?
Bah-bah- Bah-oring. Boring.
Itchy wool, smelly goat, tough meat
Not surprising that you are the star of the kabob
Black, white, who gives a goat!
Wolves have figured it out: Eat the sheep.
Maybe wolves don't kill to eat
Maybe I am a wolf, when it comes to sheep.
Eat a can or something.
Billy Goat Gruff, I've had enuff.
Gingerbread Man By Casey Deans
stirring up a hornet's nest.
Worldwide terror was your plan.
One of our worst days, your best
Run run, fast as you can!
Until we find you, we will not rest.
You can't catch me, I'm Osama bin Laden!
Cower in your rat-nest.
Smoke 'em out, was the plan
ride the war wave to the crest
all the time we search, scour, and scan
you make a film and thump your chest
Are you in Afghanistan?
A war is fought, our longest.
Are you with the Taliban?
Or in the mountains to the west?
There you are, in Pakistan!
This location had been guessed
In a compound with your clan
Action: exterminate the pest
USA! USA! Yes We Can!
One of your worst days, our best
I really enjoyed your Noah haiku and Gingerbread Man poem. Those were pretty great. :)
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